Ugh, I cannot believe I gave into the yummy, sugar cream puff maddness. I already ate a giant pita pit and then I had to go and indulge upon my sweet tooth. It was just $1.00 and looked oh so yummy. Even worse, it had chocolate cream inside, soo tasty, yet so evil. I'm so frusterated w/ my self, i keep a food journal, I'm taking nutrition class, and working out as much as i can, yet I do this to myself and set myself back from my goals. I'm so mad at me! Why can't I just say no to tasty delights! I wanna lose weight soo bad and it's honestly something that I've been battling w/ for so long, I'm just angery that I let myself get this big and even angerier that i'm not hauling ass to get rid of all this extra weight. I'm so weak, i wish i could be sent to boot camp and just have someone kick my ass for a month to get myself in gear. It's so frusterating to feel burdened by your own body, or feel like I can't wear the things I wanna wear, or not like to go shopping cuz I feel it would be a waste of time, since nothing would look good on me anyway. I'm tired of feeling so fat and ugly and yet I eat the cream puff... i seriously need to stop and get it together. A couple of weeks being strict on myself isn't good enough. I need to get off the fatty, cream puff wagon! ugh~
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
When is enough, enough?
It seems like my life is going full steam ahead into the new year and everything in my life seems to be changing and pulling forward except for one aspect of it.
It seems like no matter how hard I try my relationship with Mo is coming to a stagnant, dead end. I don't want it to be this way, I know how much I love the guy and how much I've tried to make us work but he doesn't seem like he wants to give me what I need, want and deserve. It just seems so unfair, I know I pick at him a lot at times, and that sometimes it seems like I'm nagging him for things that seem trivial, but we're in a long distance relationship and it's important that we keep up with ourselves. It's important to stay IN love and I know I'm trying so hard to make it so we don't loose the "fire" in what we have but if he says he doesn't want to give into me, or that he doesn't feel the chemistry to want to give me affection then where do we really stand? Is it really just time to call it quits? Is it over now? Sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to let go, he's so much apart of my life and I love him in so many ways, but I just know that it's not fair for me to be in relationship that's just half-assed on his side. When you really love someone, but it's just not working, when do you say enough is enough? I just want a fresh start for this new year, I want to become healthy body, mind, and spirit and I feel like I can never be truly healthy if this relationship keeps staying the way it is...He wants time to "think" I said I wouldn't wait, but I know I will. A part of me hates myself for being like this, so dependent and wanting him, another part of me knows that being with him has made me better, and has taught me so much. I want to stay with him, while a part of me says enough's enough, you're young and theres lots of other guys out there. Yes that's true but there's only one Mo, and I do love him...So back to that ever incompromising question, if you really love eachother, but it just isn't working, when is enough, enough?
It seems like no matter how hard I try my relationship with Mo is coming to a stagnant, dead end. I don't want it to be this way, I know how much I love the guy and how much I've tried to make us work but he doesn't seem like he wants to give me what I need, want and deserve. It just seems so unfair, I know I pick at him a lot at times, and that sometimes it seems like I'm nagging him for things that seem trivial, but we're in a long distance relationship and it's important that we keep up with ourselves. It's important to stay IN love and I know I'm trying so hard to make it so we don't loose the "fire" in what we have but if he says he doesn't want to give into me, or that he doesn't feel the chemistry to want to give me affection then where do we really stand? Is it really just time to call it quits? Is it over now? Sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to let go, he's so much apart of my life and I love him in so many ways, but I just know that it's not fair for me to be in relationship that's just half-assed on his side. When you really love someone, but it's just not working, when do you say enough is enough? I just want a fresh start for this new year, I want to become healthy body, mind, and spirit and I feel like I can never be truly healthy if this relationship keeps staying the way it is...He wants time to "think" I said I wouldn't wait, but I know I will. A part of me hates myself for being like this, so dependent and wanting him, another part of me knows that being with him has made me better, and has taught me so much. I want to stay with him, while a part of me says enough's enough, you're young and theres lots of other guys out there. Yes that's true but there's only one Mo, and I do love him...So back to that ever incompromising question, if you really love eachother, but it just isn't working, when is enough, enough?
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